Thinkbubble

Clarity

Why is it that moments of real clarity are then turned into moments of confusion.

On Monday I felt so certain about the path that God is guiding me down, things just seemed to click somehow, almost like I could see a birds eye view of my life, where I have been, where I am now and where God is leading me.

Then on Tuesday, I find out that I don’t get the learning assistant job. I was trying to hold onto the fact that the interview was such a positive experience and I got real encouragement from the head teacher. I felt it was right to pursue teaching and I thought to myself, even if I don’t get this job, I think God wants me to pursue teaching and keep applying. Somehow now I feel confusion over this, and I don’t know why.

There where other things in my life which where making sense on Tuesday which now seem confused.

I find it very strange that you can experience these moments where everything make sense, and then moments when this can be clouded. I don’t feel like my feeling/thoughts and gut instincts have changed, just somehow made a bit hazy.

I wonder if it is possible to have clear clarity all the time, or most of the time? It feels so good when you have these experiences.

Either way I am trusting God, I am so close to God right now, it’s just amazing. I feel him challenging me and changing me, because I am living for God completely (or as much as I can, giving as much to him as I am aware of and capable of). It is just a bit much sometimes, all the things that are happening. I feel like sometimes I am walking on water and then other times that the waves are hitting me and knocking me over. I don’t know if both of these experiences are meant to happen together, if both are needed. The bible says that God will be with us in the desert, he doesn’t pull us out of it, but he guides and strengthens us through it. I feel like I am in the desert. The bible also says that it is in the hardest and most testing times that God can really work in us and use us, bring us closer to God. The more I give my life to God, the more he challenges me. I am so grateful that God is working in me, that I pray more and more that he will continue, but at the same time asking him to help me through it.