Filed under: flittering words, thoughts and memories
I have been feeling quite unsettled the past few days. I think this is because I am experiencing change, and although this change is exciting, it is also unsettling.
I am still temping in admin and the department I am working for are extending my contract, which is good because it keeps me going until I find a learning assistant job. I don’t enjoy this job though, and there is a serious lack of support, but its better than no job and its not all bad.
I have also been so busy, I normally thrive of being busy, getting involved in things and socialising. But I think I may have burnt myself out a little. So I am going to take it easy for the next few evenings and also the weekend. I was speaking to my brother and I was telling him that I think I have been doing to much, he said he hates it when that happens because you loose touch with reality.
I think that’s whats happened, doing so much has caused me confusion and unsettling feelings. Its either that or that there is something subconsciously bothering me which hasn’t come to the surface yet. This happens from time to time and its only through getting the thoughts out of my head that I realise what it going on. This normally happens through talking, but I am hoping that blogging will help.
I saw my sister this week, which was great:) She told me that I think whilst I speak, this is right. So if I don’t speak enough, or if something is in my subconscious I just get more and more constrained, all the unprocessed thoughts mount up, they can even seem bigger than they actually are because it feels like they are going to explode. I am an optimist most of the time, but when I am stressed I become focused on the detail and negative.
I have also started thinking about things in my past which I really don’t want to think about, a few months ago I wasn’t able to think about them, because they hurt too much. I am more removed from the hurt now, but I still don’t want to think about them. And not now, too much at once! That is when stress gets too much, most people can deal with one or two things, but when there is lots of things that’s when it hits you.
The thing is that most of the things happening in my life are nice. Looking for learning assistant jobs, (that’s great its what I want to do) my current contract being extended (that’s good too), Getting more involved in my Church, socialising and visiting family (also wonderful things). All of these things are good things, the only things that are stressful are money (or lack of it) and uncertainty job wise.
So I am still not sure why my head feels like it is going to explode, but I hope that by expressing my random thoughts (that probably don’t make much sense, because they don’t to me and I think as I speak/write) I can at least vent a bit.
Filed under: flittering words, thoughts and memories
When I was on holiday in the Soloway Coast, I was walking along the beach with my friends who left two sets of footprints in the sand, side by side. I thought that it looked beautiful so I took a picture. It reminded me of a poem that I read years ago which gave me shivers up my spine and made me smile. I have thought about this poem in the most difficult times of my life, it has always given me hope and comfort.
Footprints in the sand
One night I dreamed a dream.I was walking along the beach with my Lord. Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life. For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand, one belonging to me and one to my Lord.
When the last scene of my life shot before me I looked back at the footprints in the sand. There was only one set of footprints. I realized that this was at the lowest and saddest times of my life. This always bothered me and I questioned the Lord about my dilemma.
“Lord, You told me when I decided to follow You, You would walk and talk with me all the way. But I’m aware that during the most troublesome times of my life there is only one set of footprints. I just don’t understand why, when I need You most, You leave me.”
He whispered, “My precious child, I love you and will never leave you, never, ever, during your trials and testings. When you saw only one set of footprints, It was then that I carried you.”
For about two months now I have been thinking about going into teaching at primary school. To give you some background, I have been temping in admin for the past 9 months, here is me thinking huh I really like doing admin. Well I have found out that I don’t! the reason I enjoyed doing admin is because of the people I was working with and now that I am stuck in an office by myself, I really miss the interaction.
Also, I have volunteered to help out with Sunday school at my local Church, well they nearly snapped my arm off. Its great though, I used to help out in Sunday School years ago and really enjoyed it.
I love working with children, I just forgot how much. So I am applying to do some learning assistant jobs, which as it turns out pays better than temping in admin, ha. And I will apply to do a PGDE next year. I think it is wise to get some work experience first, before I get back into debt and live the life of a skint student again, mind you I am not exactly flush doing admin.
Ill keep you posted on the progress! But I am really excited about doing something I really love again.
My first blog is going to be about truth, this is because of a recent conversation I had about faith. Following this conversation I started thinking about the nature of truth and whether or not it is absolute or relative.
I believe that truth is absolute because it would be a very strange concept if it was seen as changeable or dependable. I think that there are some things that are absolute truths, they are infinite and not dependent upon our perceptions or interactions with the world.
I believe as a Christian that there are truths about God that are in essence absolutely true. For example Gods existence and his nature, these are not dependent upon our knowledge or belief, they are true no matter what. Another example is morality, there are some things which are simply right or wrong. As a whole I am a very open minded person, and non-judgmental in my attitude combined with this I also believe that there are some things which are just true.
Ludwig Wittgenstein argued that we perceive the world through world pictures
such as: Science, Religion and Culture. Science is one way of interpreting the world, and Religion is another. Our own personal world pictures can be seen as relative, different for each individual and affected differently by culture, religion, science etc. I agree with Wittgenstein in so far as to say that we perceive the world through a world picture (which may relative), but I think that there are truths that there are absolute and therefore not dependant upon our perceptions of them and also not effected by our actions.
